Dreams of deformed children.

Wow. I disturb myself with the title of my own post, but the truth is, I have been having a lot of “dreams” that have to do with children that are in some way deformed. I don’t know exactly what this means, but I came up with some very dark and disturbing things when I tried to research it.

The first dream I had involving a “deformed child” was back in November of last year. It was a strange hypnagogic/waking dream where I woke up in my bedroom and watched as a very small person sort-of hobbled in through ¬†my bedroom door and up to my side of the bed. I could not see the child’s face, but it looked about the size of a toddler and seemed to have hair spiking up from its head in what could have been pig-tails, but I couldn’t really see.

The child was probably less than 2 feet tall and could barely see up to the edge of my bed. I do not remember feeling paralyzed, which I noted, but I was so weirded out that I didn’t move while the little dwarf or whatever it was proceeded to grab me by my hair and whisper in my ear “I am going to kill you and everyone like you,” in a decidedly gruff, male, and non-childlike voice. At that point I think I must have jerked away and came to in my bedroom with everything looking the same as it had in the “dream,” minus the creepy dwarf/child.

Afterwards, I was fully awake and wrote down the experience and thought about what it could possibly mean that this creepy little villain would come and say such a thing. I decided that it would probably have to remain a mystery and managed to go back to sleep. Obviously this experiences has stuck with me.

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My next experience was on 3.12.12. This was definitely a lucid dream experience as opposed to a waking dream like the one mentioned above. A lucid dream is defined as any dream in which the person dreaming is aware that they are dreaming. I take this a step further and consider it any dream in which I am aware I am dreaming and am able to control my own actions. A waking dream, by contrast, is a dream or dream-like situation while one is awake or in the drowsy period before sleep.

This is how I recounted the dream to myself after the fact:

There was some kind of carnival or festival going on near my parents’ house, though it was not their actual real-life home. There were several people that I knew who were all staying at my parents’ house it seemed. I was standing in the dining room adjacent to the kitchen and some stairs leading up to some bedrooms. There was a woman with a baby standing next to the dining room table. The woman had her hair hanging in her face so that you couldn’t really see one side of her face. It became apparent to me after looking at her for a few moments that she was deformed on the side of her face that she was trying to hide with her hair.

The baby the woman was holding was also badly deformed and covered head to toe in some kind of rash. The woman handed the baby to me and I could feel the roughness of the bumps on the baby’s skin with my hands. I shushed the baby gently and worried about what would become of her, as she and her mother seemed to be in a bad state.

Suddenly I found myself in a new dream sequence on a college campus that I have visited before in dreams, and I saw no more of the woman and her child.

* a strange aside to this dream is that when I woke up I sketched this house and its floor plan on a piece of paper. A small while later I was scanning a list of homes for sale for my parents when a house with an almost IDENTICAL floor plan showed up. It even had a drawing of the floor plan, which is actually very rare for the particular website we were using at the time. If this were just your run-of-the mill ranch home I would be less surprised, but this was a detailed, three-story home with very specific features.

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My last and most recent experience occurred the very next night after the experience above, on 3.13.12. This one was very strange because I had this odd sense of being in many places at once, and it has taken me some time to wrap my mind around the feeling of being split into several parts and having awareness of each all at the same time.

This experience was both a waking dream and a lucid dream and I was going back and forth between the two every few moments. I am going to describe it as I wrote it down initially, and hope that it sounds at least halfway coherent:

I awoke with the feeling that there was someone in our apartment. Our bedroom door was closed, but I could hear someone going to the bathroom. My husband and son were both in bed with me, so it was not either of them. I tried to alert my husband of the intruder the best I could, as quietly as I could, but I was having that waking-dream issue of not being able to completely move my body and speak the way I wanted to. All I wanted was to be as quiet as possible without alerting the intruder that we were in the bedroom.

At this point I seemed to go in and out of consciousness several times and I was having a very hard time telling whether I was awake or asleep. Nevertheless, I attempted to hide my son under the covers and tried to think if there was anything I could use as a weapon if necessary, but I couldn’t think of anything.

Suddenly I awoke and walked out of my bedroom and found myself in what appeared to be an extremely shabby apartment. The rooms seemed to be devoid of furniture with the only items in the room being some boxes of things tacked in the corner of a room. I was running through the apartment freaking out a little bit because it was such a dump, and I didn’t really understand what I was doing there. There seemed to be one main room with doorways leading to different rooms (one was a kitchen), and hallways with more doors all around.

I ran into a hallways full of doors. Some of the doors had lots of locks, some had no locks, some had peep-holes, some did not. They were all a polished brown wood. They looked heavy and outdated, but not antique. I had no idea where they went.*

*Side note: It has totally occurred to me that at this point I was running around through my own subconscious, so let me just put that disclaimer out there.

I was staring around at the doors in dismay when I noticed an extremely small, deformed child sitting in the pile of boxes. The child was about the size of a 1-year-old, but I got the impression that she was older. Her face was obviously deformed. There was something wrong with her eyes. They may have been all black, but I can’t recall for certain. Initially I was shocked by the child’s appearance and a jolt of adrenaline went through my body, however, as with the rashy child from before, I went to her and felt sympathy for her and her condition.

I went to pick up the child and as I held it up before me to get a better look, it turned into a robotic child/animal hybrid. It was purple, it looked like a robot and was as heavy as a small child would be. I puzzled over this for a short period before putting the child down and finding myself back in a waking-dream, trying to hide my laptop under my mattress for fear that there was still an intruder in the house.

Overall it was a restless night, and when I woke up the next morning nothing seemed to be amiss except for the fact that our front door was completely unlocked. This is highly unusual in our home as my husband is extremely diligent about locking both the door lock and the dead bolt every single night. He lectures me if I forget and accidentally leave a window cracked overnight, and he has never forgotten to lock the doors before. I went to sleep before he did as he always lets the dog out one last time, so I cannot verify whether the door was locked when he went to bed or not. All I can say is that it is very surprising to me that it was left unlocked.

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* Just another note that I want to add is that my reaction to the deformed children in the second and third experiences were not necessarily typical of my personality. I am not an overly maternal person, at least not with other children who are not my own. I like children well enough and certainly feel compassion and sympathy for those who are suffering, but I am not generally one of those people who would walk over and pick up another person’s child out of the blue. I noted this fact after I wrote down each of these dreams because it just seemed odd that the urge to pick up these deformed children was completely lacking in any kind of apprehension whatsoever.

I also wanted to include this screen shot that I took yesterday of the first time I attempted to type out these experiences a little over a week ago. I stopped writing at 222 words, which I felt was worth noting, particularly following my 666 post.

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5 Responses to Dreams of deformed children.

  1. Cole says:

    Wow Jen, that is creepy! Do I dare ask what the symbolism of deformed children may mean? Creepy as it is, it has me intrigued with what how it relates to your everyday life. Personal as it is, are you experiencing anything more stressful lately? Change or fear of changing, health issues – anything like that? I think of a child as being pure, clean and new and then it is stricken with a deformity. New versus trauma or illness or something, intruding in on your life killing or taking away something from you, so that is why I ask about your concerns about your health. I don’t know just thinking. I hope you have sweeter dreams tonight.

    • jenastyle says:

      Hi Cole,

      You know, I really haven’t been stressed lately. I am at a place where I am healthier and in better shape than ever (knock on wood!!), so I don’t think it is related to my own health, necessarily. I honestly think that if I were to look at the dreams from the lens of what my subconscious is trying to tell me, it may have something to do with “guilt” or reservations that I have about my own tendencies to NOT want any more children. I sometimes feel bad that I am not overly maternal towards children, and in these dreams my natural reaction was EXTREMELY maternal without any hesitation whatsoever. It was weird.

      In the small amount of research I have been able to do about the appearance of deformed children I have found that they are more or less a bad omen. Oh yay. I’ll let you know what more I find out as things progress..

      Jen

  2. Cole says:

    Interesting. Well if it that is what you are feeling it means then it must be so. Glad it isn’t health related! Maybe you are just trying to work out your decision subconsciously. But raising children is extremely demanding and takes every bit of you, which you know. So knowing what you are willing to give and what you are not is important and smart. Maybe that didn’t come out right.

    What I mean is, I stopped having children after 2 girls. I actually struggled with having a second for a brief time, but I didn’t want my first to be without a sibling, I am glad I have a second child but two children for me proved challenging. I love them so very much, but I knew that was it, my limit. I knew for my own well being mentally and physical this was all I could handle, any more would have left me feeling stressed and depleted. So it is wise to be aware of how much you have to give and choosing to set that part of you, that 100% of you for your child versus having more and then not having the energy or patience or time for them. That would be worse.

    My husband wanted to try for a 3rd child hoping a boy might enter our lives. As much as I wanted that for him, I just knew I was not going to be able to be the type of mother I am today with yet another child to tend to. Sounds horrible but I felt it was beyond my capacity in a way. Truth is knowing me, I probably would have still been a good mom to another child but at the cost of being a horrible wife and completely burnt out and knee deep in kid stuff mostly alone. (husband works alot!) I had major guilt too, but then I realized things are the way they are and it is the way it needs to be. I stood firm on my decision opting to care for myself and being blessed with what is. If you care for yourself in that way maybe you will be more at peace, don’t be too hard on yourself otherwise you are no good to those who love you and need you. So no more guilt. Hope I am not speaking out of term. Wish you all the best and still happier dreams.

  3. Cole says:

    Sorry for the typo in the first sentence I hate when I see a typo after I post the comment. Duh.

    • jenastyle says:

      Cole, I totally relate to everything you said about more children possibly burning you out and overwhelming you. You were definitely not speaking out of turn, I definitely appreciate your thoughts!

      Right now I am at a place in my life where I feel like I (mostly) have the time and patience that my child demands, and I also have a rewarding full time job, hobbies, and a social life. I have a balance that I really appreciate and enjoy. The thought of having another baby makes me realize that the balance we have achieved would all be set askew and something or everything would be neglected in some way.

      I am so happy with my life that I just don’t see the need at this point to add another dependent person into the mix… as much as I know I would love and adore another child if they should surprise me. Perhaps that is the ticket- I prefer to be surprised! :)

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